It’s an honest question.

When was the last time you experienced yourself as God?

I so wish I could hear the voice in your head right now!

I most certainly hope you’ve had your fair share of expansive, ecstatic, transcendental experiences already, and wish you many more to come.

My latest experience of Self as God was last weekend.

It was awesome. Vast. And extremely unpleasant.

I was in deep meditation when I awoke to the experience of myself as Self. The “I”. The all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipotent, omnipresent, eternal Being behind being. Behind Life. In this particular instance, MY life.

I physically felt and consciously perceived the entirety of my Self as this present life expression, from my conception and through the course of my entire lifetime, every thought and choice I ever made and, in an almost overwhelming explosion of sensation and emotion, realized the Absolute Authority and Unwavering Presence of “I” in my life.

This “I”, I agonizingly discovered, is impossible to see, as there is no Other to behold. But it is known, experienced, whilst in human form, through the experience of a sensitive, physical body, the stirrings of a tender heart, and the awakened mind.

Why agonizingly?

Because magnificent though this miracle of the Divine Human is, it comes with a certain responsibility. That of choice.

“I’ve given you free will! Use it!”, a voice sounded in my head.

Sure enough, I felt and knew beyond a shadow of doubt that the “I”, the true Self, is all-powerful and there is no life experience it cannot manifest, if it so chooses.

Let me spell it out: there’s nothing you or I — or anybody! — can’t do or have, if we choose it.

Except that what was most prominent in this particular awakening was the pain and suffering that I had caused myself. A lot of pain and suffering. It was all my own doing, entirely.

How could I, the Divine “I”, have allowed such terrible pain?

Would I, the personal “I”, ever be able to forgive such lovelessness?

At different times it manifested as self-rejection. Dissociation. Blame. Shame. Guilt. Powerlessness.

Yes, on one level, I did not know that those negative thoughts I kept repeating to myself were focussing my energy in a way that manifested painful experiences. I was imitating the kinds of words and behaviours the characters I saw on TV and around me displayed, believing that that’s how people are supposed to act. These thoughts and resultant choices created painful drama and struggle in my life — just like on TV and in the lives of people around me.

I mean, how could I have known? I was a child! Nobody taught me any better!

And yet, I did know. At the crucial moment of choice, I always felt the niggling in my heart, but overrode it.

There is no-one to blame for this. Not myself, nor anyone else.

Last weekend clearly showed me how, on the level of Self, the omniscient “I”, I had always been fully cognizant of the life experience I’d set up for myself, and I used my free will to choose illusion over truth. Repeatedly.

I truly cornered myself there…  The difficulty was immense. The way out?

The only way through is forgiveness.

As the Absolute Authority in my Life, I can choose to forgive. Forgive the past. The present. The future. Forgive everything and pay close attention to the inner guidance that always points to the truth of my Being that is love. And choose to act from this place.

I have the absolute freedom and power to think loving thoughts and dream loving realities into being. I choose love now.

There’s a powerful affirmation for you…

Forgiveness enables transformation.

The moment we assume total responsibility for our experience is the moment of our empowerment. We are on a journey to becoming total, integrated, true to our loving essence and expressing our Divinity on this planet. This is what being human is about.

Have you been wanting for something? A beautiful relationship? Work that fulfils and prospers you? More success, recognition, confidence…?

First, consider:

  • how are you feeling “less than” inside?
  • what in you will you embrace and forgive?
  • what is the deeper truth, the Soul quality or Divine gift, you are called to embody?

Next, ask yourself:

  • what would love have you do?

Finally, determine:

  • what is one action you can take now to align with truth and bring more love to the situation?

and do it. Just do it.

Have my sharing and suggestions been helpful to you?

If you enjoy reading, Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment, by Marianne Williamson (especially Chapter 6 on forgiveness) and The Starseed Transmissions, by Ken Carey (a channeled book on Christ consciousness and human evolution) are both very helpful.

Join the School of Soul Alchemy for more resources and a supportive community of spiritual seekers and change-makers like you.