A lifetime without Love is of no account
Love is the Water of Life
Drink it down with heart and soul
– Rumi
This is how Bruce Lipton’s “The Honeymoon Effect: The Science of Creating Heaven on Earth” begins.
With very good reason.
What would life be like without love?
A pioneer in the “new biology”, one of the fathers of epigenetics and a leader in bridging science and spirituality, Bruce Lipton, PhD trained as a cell biologist and went on to carry out groundbreaking stem-cell research, showing how the environment affects cells, turning genes on and off. Through scientific research, Lipton helped to define the molecular pathways connecting mind and body, and his deepened understanding of cell biology highlighted the mechanisms by which the mind controls physical functions and human behaviour, whilst implying the existence of an immortal spirit.
Lipton applied his findings to his own life and relationships, and found that he was able to improve his health and well-being and to create “The Honeymoon Effect”, a state of presence and vibrant energy, lovingly shared with a partner.
It gets better.
This vibrant, loving resonance radiates out, transforming communities, helping to transform the whole of humanity — in Lipton’s view, individuals are interdependent cells within the super-organism that is humanity and it’s this awareness that marks the next step in human evolution.
So, what does biology teach us about relationship?
Here are some of the main points:
Nature wants the human species to survive. Our primal brains are hardwired for survival; behaviours that promote survival are reinforced through associated pleasure, whereas contrary behaviours are discouraged through associated pain. Procreation is important, therefore there is a biological drive to have sex, and sex is pleasurable. Community is equally important, as no organism can survive in isolation, therefore there is a biological imperative for humans to communicate and form partnerships. Loneliness is painful — which is nature’s way of nudging us in the direction of relationship and community. Nature also promotes bonding, which especially supports the younger generations growing up.
What controls our physical functions and survival behaviours is the unconscious mind: a powerful programming device with a processing capacity many times more potent than that of the conscious mind.
It’s what takes care of our respiration, blood circulation, cell regeneration and other bodily functions. It enables us to stand, walk, eat, sleep and so on without much conscious attention or direction.
The unconscious mind becomes programmed very early in our life and is, in essence, a habitual mind.
Nature made sure it’s really easy to download the programs needed for survival. As babies and young children, we are in a highly receptive learning state similar to that experienced in hypnosis: we absorb vast amounts of information.
Our conscious mind is more creative and not so tied to the present moment. We can fly to the past or the future, imagine things that do not exist, feel hope, desire… We may want a partner, a particular kind of relationship — except the unconscious mind is always at work in the background and it is unconscious, habitual programs and beliefs that shape our behaviours. The unconscious mind wins every time.
Depending on our environment and upbringing, we may absorb more or less helpful programs. Often, complex defense mechanisms and self-negating beliefs can arise, for example, as a result of a parent admonishing a child in a way that is humiliating, or suggests that a child is not good enough/clever enough/capable enough etc.
But there’s more.
As organisms, we respond to vibration. Our cells vibrate; every organism, from an ameoba to a human, constantly vibrates and emits vibrational frequencies. All organisms use vibration (or energy) to sense their environment and to communicate, as interference patterns occur. These can be constructive (reinforcing a wave) or destructive (cancelling out a wave). (Here’s a more comprehensive explanation.)
We have an innate ability to feel “good” and “bad vibes”. It’s not just our imagination.
We are, in fact, affected very profoundly by energy, vibrational frequencies, and we feel drawn to a person or situation, or repelled by them, depending on the “vibes” we’re sensing between us.
Much more information is conveyed subtly, energetically, than we care to admit to ourselves.
We often fail to pay attention or bypass this intuitive feeling in our bodies, rationalizing and relying on words to communicate instead. Words, however, can be deceptive, compared to the much more effective and direct energetic communication.
Language can obscure true feelings, as much as it can help to convey them.
I’m reminded of one man — let’s call him Bob — who, at 52, is single and has yet to experience an intimate relationship of note.
Bob suspects it’s something he’s doing (or not doing) when he meets women, but can’t put his finger on it.
He complains he just doesn’t know if a woman’s “into him”: “Why can’t people just say ‘I like you?'” As nobody has said those exact words to him, he concludes that nobody likes him. He really has no clue at all, whether a woman is showing interest in him or not.
That would be Bob not being terribly conscious in the present moment, sensitive to subtle signs or sensing those “vibes”.
Furthermore, Bob does not think himself attractive and can’t honestly say he loves himself. He believes that being unattractive is the no. 1 reason why a person would not be desirable as a partner. Bob wouldn’t dream of offering that same “I like you” he’s yearning to receive to another person, certain that he would be rejected and humiliated. He tends to be critical and dismissive of others — just as he is critical and dismissive of himself — and his sense of humour tends to be sarcastic. As a child, he hadn’t received a lot of love or nurture.
It’s easy enough to see the unconscious, negative beliefs that are driving the unfortunate man’s perceptions and behaviour; it’s also obvious that he is carrying much emotional pain. It’s a deadly combination that hampers communication and extinguishes any hope of a happy relationship.
Bob is not thinking in a very rounded way and cannot quite see what is missing from the equation, though he will defend his thinking, behaviour and life experience determinedly. He is wholly defined by his history, the lovelessness and rejection he has experienced and has taken on as his identity. He has a lifetime of evidence to prove this is who he is — and he’s a victim.
So, what can Bob do?
What can we do to improve the way we communicate and relate?
The way we experience love and relationship?
Here’s a strategy for you:
1. Become a detective.
Do not assume all is as it seems. Suspect there just might be some “secret agent” at work (that would be the unconscious mind and its imperatives) and begin to examine your thoughts and beliefs more closely.
Question yourself.
You may ask yourself: Is it really so? Is attractiveness (wealth, status, age…) truly and universally the no. 1 factor in desirability? Am I really so completely unlovable? What other factors are there? What other evidence is there? What else is there for me to notice? What else is possible?
Working on a cognitive level is crucial, if we are to become more conscious and begin to shift those self-destructive paradigms.
From a quantum physics perspective, we’re opening to possibility prior to any one option becoming crystalized as manifest reality.
2. Get in touch with your emotions.
Your emotions are suggestive of your energetic signature at any one time, and your emotional responses represent a potent feedback system.
By consciously cultivating certain emotions within you, you can change your energetic signature, the “vibes” you’re emitting, and become resonant with similar experiences and people — thus creating your chosen reality.
Energetic patterns of hurt, lovelessness, defensiveness, self-pity and so on will be resonant with complementary patterns in another person or persons — hence you may find yourself in situations and relationships that augment those vibrations and bring to the fore what needs to be healed or resolved more strongly.
By the same token, vibrations of love, self-esteem, kindness, joy and so on will be in harmony with similar vibrations and you will attract this type of experience in your life and relationships.
Forgiveness is key. So is acceptance and gratitude.
Romance is that lovely vibration of heart, sex and soul in harmony — more about that in another article…
You may like to pursue activities that evoke positive emotions in you, but best not to seek love in another. It’s inside you. When you begin to cultivate positive, loving feelings in yourself, you will be met with love on the outside.
It can be difficult to get in touch with our emotions, especially if we’ve suffered challenging experiences or trauma in the past, in which case it is important to seek resources, emotional processing tools and perhaps turn to a practitioner for expert help.
3. Develop your energetic awareness and non-verbal communication skills.
Yogic, Tantric and Taoist practices all recognize the workings of subtle energy and help us to develop this awareness — and to reap plentiful benefits on all levels of our being, as a result.
There’s also much to be learned through bio-energetic analysis, energy psychology and other body- and energy-oriented modalities that have been developed in more recent years.
It’s possible to learn about energetics, body language and non-verbal communication from books and to practise on your own, but it’s best to work with a practitioner, attend classes, actually interact with others, learning and practising together.
You learn by doing and it helps to be in a supportive environment, such as the School of Soul Alchemy.
4. Use techniques that enable you to reprogram your unconscious mind.
It’s crucial that you learn more about how your mind works and make use of tools that help you decondition yourself and program your mind with new beliefs that produce more positive behaviours and outcomes. Meditation, hypnosis, self-hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) are some of my own favourites. You can then apply your conscious intentions to reprogram your unconscious mind using appropriate methods.
The new beliefs you want to express in your life can become the new unconscious forces that happily drive your life experience.
Remember: it took many years of repeating the same old patterns of thought and behaviour for you to get to where you are now. All your life, in fact.
If you want to change your beliefs and behaviours to more loving, beneficial ones, you will need to make a systematic effort to reinforce the new programs — on your own, or together with a professional who can assist you.
It’s important to take responsibility and make it your practice to write your own history. You are not a victim of life’s experiences. You create your own life — and it’s worth taking the time and making the effort to create the life you really want!
In my work, I help you enter a deeper state of consciousness through my voice.
This helps you develop your awareness and intuition, and improve your memory. It facilitates spiritual advancement and, crucially, it enables us to work with the unconscious mind, i.e. the level of mind that most powerfully controls behaviour, through beneficial suggestions and energetic transmission.
5. Learn how to stay mindful and present, and optimise your state.
Mental and emotional processing tools, meditation techniques, Tantric and Taoist practices all help us to cultivate presence and mindfulness. There are too many methods to mention, except to say that there’s something for everyone: whatever your lifestyle, character, level of experience, physical constitution…there’s a way for you!
As Bruce Lipton points out, being in love and having sex generally bring us to presence more strongly. (If you’re missing out on either of these, it’s worth doing something about it!)
Taking care of our bodies and staying healthy is also important, so it’s a good idea to evaluate your lifestyle and take care to balance commitments, avoid overwork, eat and sleep well, exercise, reduce stress.
Rewarding activities that engage you in the present moment and help you to recharge are especially beneficial.
You will find that when you feel better physically, you also feel better emotionally and mentally. You are able to perform better and invite better experiences into your life.
6. Connect with that aspect of yourself that is much greater than the sum of your parts.
Lipton’s work points to the spiritual essence of humans and of creation. An intelligence that pervades everything. A consciousness behind creation. That which is and connects everything. Life itself.
When you enter this aspect of your Being and realize the magnitude and beauty of the universal, grand design and the infinite creative resources you hold within you, everything feels much more doable and you can begin to trust more.
It’s possible to allow more of this higher intelligence, your innate wisdom and essential benevolence to guide you.
In one-to-one and group sessions, I help you connect with your Soul’s essence and purpose and light up the fire in your heart.
Your self-realization is part of the grand design, and at the School of Soul Alchemy, we actively encourage each other to move forward much more positively in every area of life and especially in relationship. We become true soulmates, allies, co-creators.
By embodying your Soul essence more fully and consistently in this way, your vibrational offering will attract more people who can meet you on that level and form dynamic, co-creative partnerships with you.
7. Stay motivated and persist with your practice.
There’s no doubt about it: this is a hero’s journey and you will encounter challenges — both on the inside and the outside.
It’s important to resource yourself. Besides all the learning and practice, it’s useful to surround yourself with people who actively support you and your efforts, and to develop a network of friends, supporters, professionals you can turn to. A coach will encourage you, keep you motivated and accountable, and help you to stay on track.
It’s often the case that, as we seek to develop ourselves, we will meet not only our own, internal resistances, but also external challenges and opposition.
It may be your existing circle of friends and family is not as supportive as you’d like. People close to you may find it difficult to handle the changes and they may challenge the new you that’s emerging.
Take heart: a new circle of friends and partners is round the corner. Gradually, as you put such “tests” behind you, you will find you’re moving in new circles and you will feel happier and more at home than ever before.
You’re now offering a powerful example of one who inspires others to take charge of their lives and follow their dreams.
That’s how we can create “Heaven on Earth.” Together.
Join us at School of Soul Alchemy. Be the change you’re here to create.
